You see, I had a lot on my mind. My boy Andrew, who's seven, is away at an overnight Christian camp. This is the first time he has slept away from home without us EVER. Never slept at a friend's house. Never spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's without his parents along. Nothin'. And, well, I'm a little concerned with how he's doing.
Yeah - I know. He's probably having so much fun he has forgotten who we are (or at least that I told him not to take his "blankie" or stuffed alligator with him so they wouldn't get dirty or lost). When go pick him up this evening--yeah, it's only ONE NIGHT away (I know - get a GRIP!)--he'll probably tell me he wants me to go home without him. But still, the house feels emptier, and so do I, with Andrew off somewhere else.
I keep having these questions running through my head:
Did he fall and hurt himself?You know, I was actually expecting these couple days to be a nice little respite for us. Andrew is, well, high energy, and a bit of more calm (and lack of sibling squabbles) sounded like a wonderful thing. Yet, while I had some nice girly time with Annika, it has felt more like a void than anything. I miss him.
Did the other kids tease him?
Is he bored?
Does he miss us?
Did he fall asleep crying because he didn't have his blankie?
Did he get lost?
Does he hate camp, and me for sending him?
The camp puts up a little Quicktime slideshow of the kids' activities and such for each day at their website. I was there at about 4am this morning, watching (I DID say I didn't sleep much, didn't I?). I tell you, that laptop screen was about as close to my face as possible, looking for my little guy among the crowds. (Yeah, I found a few pictures of him. Made my morning - or whatever you call 4am!)
This whole experience has gotten me thinking about God. If I can get this worked up about less than 48 hours of my son out of my presence/control, how does the Lord feel when I focus on others to the exclusion of Him?
Can a mother forget the baby at her breastNo matter where I go (even if it's "out to camp" for a day and a half), He will not forget me. I hate to think how much distress I have caused him when I "went away," focusing on my own desires and selfishness instead of His kingdom.
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you! Isaiah 49: 15 NIV
Lord, help me to remember that You love me more than I can possibly imagine. Help me to turn to You, instead of away from You, so I don't cause you even a fraction of the grief and anxiety I dealt with last night and this morning. And help me trust You, Lord, with my son, and know that whatever kind of experience he is having at camp (and life!) it is directly from You. In the name of Your Son (who You love even more than I do MY son) Jesus I pray.